What’s my 2018’s accomplishment?

Not sure, seriously not sure.

School thingy was done in 2017, not a lot of additional publication during 2018, and clearly no high-level publication. Rejected by the Q1 that I worked for 1,5 years alone (well Fatty was the one helping me out so I didn’t break down) it felt so ‘UGH I HATE THIS’, I was so sad. Almost tried for a post-doc but my father said no, so postponed them for now.

Hospital life was a blur, distancing myself step by step from my favorite job in the world due to the toxicity that I still can’t cope or handle these 8 years. I need to keep myself sane at least. They’re preparing for accreditation at the moment, I’m not part of the team, so I don’t involve a lot, just getting dragged whenever shitty things happened and they need someone to help them out physically or financially. Haha. I’m still feeling sorry for the staffs tho, especially the old ones. I can’t help them to get what they deserve. I know they know that my hands are tied, but I still feel bad. I’m sorry.

Back to teaching life with a huge awkwardness since it’s been a year or more. Teaching felt a bit awkward, mingling with colleagues felt a bit weird, and the ‘this is not my place’ feeling was constantly there. Tried some interviews and applied for some positions but nothing came out successfully, surprisingly took CPNS test after 7 years teaching med students, that made some of my friends shook and asked “why?” 😂

Other business-related plans? None. Tried for a couple, but after some consideration, cancelled them. So, no.

Personal live? Nothing much really, the same annoying cynical sad agitated person that I am. I didn’t meet my brother and sister a lot this year, my close friends are busy and some are out of town now. But I’m used to going to movies and eat alone since forever tho, so no biggy, I just missed them. No, I don’t really have lots of friends from works, but I have some nice online friends that I got to meet IRL tho. It’s nice. Btw yeah, in case anyone wondering, I’m still single, no, nobody special so far. It’s not that I didn’t try more than last year but I just kind of given up? Something like that. Haha.

Having my ‘once every two months travel’ routine to keep me stable and not snapping at anyone at anytime. That’s my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety med replacement, for now. I’m happy whenever I’m traveling, whenever I’m getting lost in a new place, or just walking around talking to strangers. Sometimes I travel + attending conferences too. It’s nice. I like it a lot. I wish I can go to more places in 2019.

iKON! iKON keeps me happy as well. They won SOTY and Hanbin won SWOTY, I’m so proud and Love Scenario is my new favorite song, it brings a closure to my long-time disasterous self-loathe. So it’s good, they’re amazing, I’m so grateful and proud to be their fan.

Anything else? So I guess you can help me sum it all, whether 2018 it’s a good bad or meh year for me.

I hope 2019 finally can be the year where all the seeds I have been planted since 2013 to grow. These slow-growing seeds. I’ve seen some seedlings, so I’m a bit optimistic.

Wish me luck! 🙏

1 Response to “What’s my 2018’s accomplishment?”

  1. 1 Tentang Ma dan CPNS | Just being Me. Always. Lacak balik pada Maret 4, 2020 pukul 7:31 am

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